I forgot to write about this, but I did play the keyboard at the women's encounter at my church. My friend and worship leader ended up leading worship. It was just going to be her and a guitar. After that little talk about me playing the piano for worship, I prayed and prayed and prayed to God that if it was His will, He needs to make it happen. Then my friend and I were talking one day, and that little bugging feeling got into me. I need to make it happen, like God was saying, "You really want to honor me by using what I gave you for My glory? Well then, do it. I'm not going to do it for you." So I talked to her. And we practiced. She sent me the lineup to practice at home. I asked my dad for pointers. On the encounter weekend, we practiced some more.
And I did it, for Him. I had all kinds of fears and butterflies and I kept joking around because it's one of my defense mechanisms, but when I'm actually up there, it all melted away. When I played in recitals and tests, I felt the eyes on me. The nervousness ramps up to maximum and I felt beads of sweat come out at every tiny mistake. I was always happy and relieved when it was over. But playing for God was not like that at all. There was no nervousness. I felt no eyes on me. There was no pressure because it was for God. I did kept pleading for one thing: that I do not hinder the move of His Holy Spirit. Oh yeah, I made mistakes too, but any sweat came from the heat of the stage spotlights that were on. And I wasn't relieved when it was over. I actually kind of looked forward to the next time we were going to have worship again.
Kind of. I was unsure the whole time and I knew I played simple chords and keys. Maybe I could do more for God, but I'm not there yet nor do I know how to get there. The little I could do, what impact could it have?
Our pastor's wife led one past prayer meeting after the women's encounter, and she said the most dreaded words ever, "I wish we had a piano or something." Then she looked right at me! And she said, "Ge, could you play?"
Oh. My. Help! She hasn't finished her question before I started shaking my head no. When she's leading us to enter the presence of God through the Holy Spirit (might I remind you of my Pentecostal background), it's not just a tall order to ask me to play the piano. I literally don't know how. With no notes, no songs with guitar chords, I literally don't know how to provide background worship music.
And she said something like even if it's simple, something easy, like ting-ting-ting. LOL and whaaaaaat?!?!
I didn't end up playing. They played songs through the speaker. Neither I nor my spirit was grieved that I didn't play, but ting-ting-ting? Part of me thinks that's what I sounded like at the women's encounter. I don't feel like that's enough. And okay. Maybe now I was relying on my own strength, and who knows what would have happened if I got up there and tinged-tinged-tinged for God. I wouldn't know now. What I do know is this annoying loop in my head saying, "Be prepared in and out of season" from 2 Tim 4:2.