Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Head Space

Our kidmin's got a big event coming up and there's a lot to do. But oddly, I'm not stressed.  I don't feel stressed and I don't see any tell tale signs of stress.  But I do have a sore throat, which I've had for a few weeks now. Come November, I may not have a voice. I'm normally fine with that except I've got event after event next month. There's a baby shower/dart tournament at our house, annual kidmin training (which I still have to plan & prep), annual church leaders meeting, 2 church events (one of them thanksgiving celebration), Thanksgiving itself, cell group birthday dinners I've got to cook two dishes for, and at the end of the month, Vegas and Lion King with my bff! We got an insanely good deal for a 2 night stay & 2 tickets to see Lion King in Las Vegas months ago. And she literally just texted me right now to say that she booked our flights. I think God threw that my way because He knew November was going to be crazy for me. Plus it's NaNoWriMo next month! And I haven't done my 1st assignment for my writing course.

Speaking of crazy, I felt like I was losing my head space for the majority of today. To say that my sleep last night was disturbed is barely scratching the surface. I woke up and felt like I was having a panic attack.  But I think it's more of a church speak: spiritual attack. Think of a patient in a mental hospital drowning in disturbing images, thoughts, and feelings only she can discern. At one point she's convulsing, and then she's eerily calm.  She's grasping for control and peace, but only achieves them for a few seconds.  Half awake, half asleep. Crying, praying, Pentecostalizing. Until she falls into a dreamless sleep.  Then she wakes up and spends the rest of the day on the verge of tears. And no, it's not PMS.

That was my today. And I had to bring my grandparents to the hospital, run errands for Jumbo Game Night, pick up the boys from school, drop brother off to an afterschool club thing he's got to do, pick him up again, bring him to a school fundraiser, and finally - FINALLY - go home where my laundry is waiting. And I have to keep it together so I don't actually end up in an institution? I think somebody down there doesn't like me. But somebody up there is watching over me. I have my respites including free undies, Chinese food, Ferrero Rocher, and the fact that we could lower our bill by doing laundry after 7pm. Oh, it's past 8pm. I guess I have to go now.

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