Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Dying Dreams

So I fall asleep this afternoon (like from 6:30 pm - 10:00pm), and I get one of those I-feel-like-I'm-dying-dreams. Ever have those? I'm in and out of sleep, and everytime I'm asleep, I'm in this dream that gives me feelings of imminent threat to my life. I want to wake up, but it's like something is trying to keep me in that dream. When I finally wake up, I'm lying in cold sweat with a headache, an itchy throat, and a congested nose.

I'm starting to get sick.

Should've known. Whenever I have these dying dreams, I wake up with symptoms of a cold, or worse. When I had one of those dreams as a child, I ended up with high fever, asthma attacks, and a stay in the lovely hospital.

Anyway, I can't get sick. I just can't. I have school to worry about, and work, and I have to do volunteer hours. 25 of them actually. I'd lump this with school because it's for two of my classes, but it's an extra place I have to literally go to. I'm not liking it. I'm not. I just want to go in my classes and get out. I'd rather attend two all day Saturday classes than volunteer. I'd rather give an oral presentation in front of a class with +30 students than volunteer. Sort of ironic since I've been volunteering for almost half my life. And I don't mean babysitting for free. I mean teaching kids in Sunday School (curriculum, meetings, trainings, arts & crafts, games, etc). Maybe that's just it. I'm already doing so much that this is adding stress in my life.

I see the benefits of volunteering, and by all means, I'd encourage others to volunteer. I understand why professors are encouraging and requiring us to volunteer. Most college students are actually just in and out of classes. There's no hands-on experience. There's no real world application. Take the two classes I'm doing hours for, Child Development and Child, Family, & Community. Without the volunteer hours, the students wouldn't be around children in a setting where they're caring for kids or helping teachers in the classroom or teaching themselves. But uh, here's my beef. I've been doing that for the past 8-9 years or so!

Adding insult to injury, I now have to wake up at 6:00 am and be out of the house in an hour to get through traffic. At that time, oh yeah, I get through traffic. In fact, I arrive 2 hours before I actually have to do anything (go to class or start volunteering). I am NOT a morning person. I can tell you that for sure. And it's the fall semester, which means cold. But if I have to trudge through morning traffic one more time, I'd go insane.

Honest to you and God, one morning (either last week or the week before that), I started crying. Traffic was so heavy, I missed my exit. To get off the next exit, I had to transfer from the freeway to the highway, exit, get back onto the highway going the other direction, get back onto the same freeway (but also going the other direction), and take my exit. I was bawling in my car. My head was about to explode. I was about to be late for class. I didn't feel good. I was stressed. I hated the traffic. I hated paying for books. I hated paying tuition. I hated paying for gas. I hated paying for this stress with my health.

Is it such a wonder college students are extremely stressed?
Augh! Maybe college students graduate to get some rest.
Oh wait. Ha-ha with a dose of sarcasm. I did graduate. But that's another story.
Someone take me back to Hawaii and leave me there.

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