Thursday, February 08, 2007

I just watched "Lovestruck", a Filipino film. I liked it. It's about friendship and young couples and such. Romantic comedy. It was cute. Long too, but cute. Now, it's just making me feel lonely. Well, just a little.

I'm 22 yrs old. This April, I would have officially lived half of my life in the Philippines and half here in the States. You know, I feel old many times, but I know I'm still young. What makes me feel old is the responsibility stuff. The graduating from school deal. The work deal. The real world deal. I don't know if I'm ready for it...for all of it. But my feelings doesn't seem to matter. It's all being thrust upon me. It's like I've been hiding all this time, or being hidden (sheltered). Now, the world is saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" And I'm not ready. I wish I could stop time and just stand still until I am ready. It's like...life is happening to me, but it's not necessarily what I thought of so I don't want to embrace it. I don't know if I should. Yet I feel like I have no choice.

When I was a little girl, I loved the Disney princess movies. I loved the princes that come for the ladies. I also had tons of Barbie dolls. I always played with them. I dressed them up. I made scenarios. I liked to pretend that they too were princesses and their princes are coming for them. They will be whisked away into love, adventure, and life.

That's what I want. That's what I dream about. I never have and probably never will dream of the sensible. I'll never want the practical. Never the boring. Never the obvious. Never the expected. Never the okay, the good enough, the fine, and the all right. Because I dream big dreams. Grandiose! I dream of great love. I dream of great adventure. I dream of LIFE!

Where is that life? Where is that love? Where is that adventure? I'm here...waiting. I've been waiting my whole life. Come whisk me away.

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