Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Ever felt like you were being replaced?

I never felt that way when any of my siblings were born. For one, I was too young to remember, and with Brian, I was going through puberty, which means the farther my parents were from getting on my case, the better.

But now, I have that dreaded sense of paranoia that I'm being replaced. By a clone, nonetheless. My clone. Unique, but just about like me. Hehe...my best friend knows what I'm talking about. For everyone else...enter twilight zone.

It's not a pleasant feeling. It's scary. It behooves me. I am in a dream where I want to scream, but I can't. I want to run away, but I can't. I'm trying to fly away, but I keep being pulled to the ground. I've had those dreams, and they were not pleasant. They were not comforting. They were bewildering and confusing.

Much like right now. I am calm. I still have peace and joy from God. I am silent, sort of. How silent can you make me to be anyway?

Still, I want a meadow with no one around for miles. On that meadow, I will stand up with my appendages spread out, hair billowing in the breeze, and I. Will. SCREAM!!! I will scream to my fullest. I will scream to my content. I will scream and scream and scream because it is my meadow and nobody can take it away from me.

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